close o' service

This is the extended version of my Close of Service profile interview for the Peace Corps-Perú magazine. Since I'm wrapping things up in site and getting ready for the next phase, I thought it was an appropriate time to do some serious reflection...

Did you “aprovechar that s***”?
No, but I did charps* it. I charpsed it real good.

*(Lebo-flaav Moore, circa 2009, Piura)

Combi story:
I thought I´d seen it all until my counterpart and I found ourselves on the dark road outside Naomi´s site, waiting for a ride to Trujillo. Finally a little combi picked us up, and it became quickly apparent that everyone inside was absolutely hammered (except the driver, which was good). So that was interesting enough, but then we ended up behind a humungous truck whose driver was hammered. This thing was swerving all over the place on what was already a pretty nerve-racking mountain road with several thousand feet of cliff on one side. The drunk guys inside were getting increasingly aggravated by our slowed pace, and at one point the cobrador in the passenger seat pulled himself out the window and started throwing rocks at the truck ahead. I remember looking over at my counterpart, who is a very tough dude, and he just had his head in his hands. That was when I really started to worry.

Favorite peruano en tu sitio:
My host-uncle Beto. Just an awesome, hilarious guy, who generally heckled me about everything. I´m gonna miss watching The High Chaparral (dubbed in Spanish) with him most weeknights, and then both of us leaving in disgust as the rest of the family gathered to watch Al Fondo Hay Sitio.

A time you stared Death in the face in Peru:
I very nearly fell off the mountain while taking a roadside “pit-stop” one day. I already had my pants around my ankles when the brush beneath me just gave way, and I tumbled backwards, thinking about how bad I would look a few thousand feet below, sprawled out half-naked, and probably having involuntarily soiled myself by then, too. Fortunately it didn’t come to that.

Longest you've gone without bathing?
Not that long actually, I took showers almost every day. Granted, it was in board shorts at a very public water spout, the source of which remained unknown to me for the full two years. Ignorance is… personal hygiene.

Any bad habits that you’ve acquired?
Frequently experimenting with my facial hair, and wearing wife beaters. Which turns out to be a pretty killer combo. Also, instead of greeting people, I now whistle, and if it´s a buddy of mine, I´ll do the palms-up, shoulder-shrug accusatory “What the hell?” move rather than just waving like a normal person.

Favorite/least favorite Peruvian dish?
Least favorite - Masamora de harina. Flour, sugar, milk, and more sugar in a pot…for dinner. Anything you can drink I don´t consider a meal.

What's the longest amount of time you spent in site?
Early-on I would spend a month or more at site. That was partially due to being terrified of the bus ride for several months a year. But after about the 3 or 4 week mark, I would always find myself much more at ease and generally happier. I think it takes more than a couple weeks to really get into the rhythm of the campo, and it´s a cool thing when you start to feel it.

What’s so special about Peru 12?
WAT/SAN. Got it dunn.

Most random/useful item received in a care package:
A collapsible camping bowl that my mom sent me. Everyone in Piura and Tumbes claims to be sick of me talking about how awesome it is. But they´re just jealous. Peru has convinced me that you can literally eat anything with a bowl and spoon.

What is one thing that you will never acostumbrar to?
People shouting into cell phones. Also the shameless, whiney “Seeeeññño porrrfaaa…” crap that even some grown men are not above.

Have you been robbed? What did they take?
Yes. All my shiny objects, packed neatly together: computer, camera, ipod, passport, sunglasses, etc. Just disappeared from under my feet at the bus station, on the day we left for site, after having been violently ill all day. But as Mark Timme, in his infinite wisdom, pointed out only seconds later, you had to give that sneaky little punk some credit for messing with someone as big as me.

Favorite Spanish/Quechua saying:
“Retroceder nunca, rendirse jamás.” Thinking of having that tattooed across my back, in giant script letters.

Biggest language blunder:
It wasn´t me, but the best one, period, had to be when my family came to visit and my brother tried to say he was hungry, but instead said “Tengo hombre.” He lived on in infamy in my town for that one.

Biggest lie that you’ve told/someone has told you:
Patrick and Tristan still not admitting it.

Thoughts on cumbia/huayno:
I can tolerate either in small amounts. But very often in Piura they get together and spawn a God-awful hybrid called sanjuaneros. Some of these songs must be what they play in Hell.

What have you done in Peru for the first time in your life?
Surfed, climbed a volcano, gotten so sunburned it bubbled, and met Geoff Lord.

Biggest success:
Building fifty-two composting latrines on the side of a 45-degree tropical ski hill two hours out into the campo.

Training recuerdos:
Ryan S. and I taking turns puking and diarreah-ing for 12 solid hours in a tiny room in Pisco. At one point I just started deliriously laughing, listening to the sounds coming from a few feet away in the bathroom.

How do you plan to respond to the question, “What was Peace Corps like?”
Ever seen Deliverance?

What kept you going when times were tough?
The epic trifecta of guitar, pushups, and chewing tobacco.

Any advice to other Volunteers?
Do everything – everything – with your right hand. Except eating, do that with your left. That way, when you´re 2 hours out into the campo and get offered a heaping plate of food and no utensil, you know where most of the germs aren´t.

What was the best compliment you received during your time here?
“You look like a 1970s fighter pilot with that mustache.”

What other Volunteer or staff member has inspired you the most? Why?
Luis Ly for ushering in the era of Sharepoint. Little known fact: “Sharepoint” is actually Spanish for The Future.

What is the strangest thing you’ve found yourself eating?
Fried pork liver over corn, with the rest of the pig splayed out right in front of me – blood, teeth, eyes, the whole bit.

What Peruvian article of clothing or accessory are you planning to rock when you return stateside?
Alpaca sweater hoodie from Cuzco.

Arroz y papas. Thoughts?
I’ll take tortillas over either one, any day.

Most useful/useless item brought to Peru?
Useful: duct tape, buck knife, and the beer bottle opener on my finger that is also a ring
Useless: tie

What’s your guilty pleasure?
On two separate occasions, bottles of chocolate syrup ended up in my room, and I would find myself eating a lot of chocolate-covered bread, crackers, etc. And then sometimes I would just take hits of it straight-up.

Good toilet paper substitute:
Corn cobs. Never done it, but everyone in the campo claims it’s the best thing since sliced bread.

Why do you love your site?
Crisp weather, chaveta stabbing daggers, sierra food, ponchos and awesome hats, and yes, cañazo.

Craziest health problem:
I had this marble-sized thing growing behind my ear for a few weeks, and the day before I was going to see Dr. Jorge about it, it erupted. Ryan S. was there. I was afraid hundreds of spiders were gonna come spilling out or something, but it was nothing that interesting.

Funniest English/Spanish misspelling you’ve seen in Peru:
It´s not a misspelling, but my favorite example of a Peruvian obviously not having a clue what he´s wearing was a pretty serious campesino in a pink t-shirt printed with script letters saying: “He fishes. Therefore, I shop.”

Funniest English mispronunciation you’ve heard in Peru:
Whatever the drunk kept repeating to my sister when my family came to visit. He claimed it was English.

Are you leaving any pets behind or taking any with you?
I had the world´s greatest campo mutt named Puma. He was such a great dog. Then he disappeared one day, I think poisoned by someone. I didn´t look into it too deep, for fear of actually finding out who did it and having to do something drastic to that person.

What's the most useful thing you learned in training?
Everything WatSan. There are not many jobs where you can go through a few months of training and then have people call you “Engineer” and you not necessarily feel the need to correct them. Hats off to Lane and Jorge.

Lluvia story:
Sometimes it rains here for six months straight. Is that a story?

Favorite part of Peruvian culture:
The boundless, automatic generosity, even when people have so little to give.

What English phrases will people in your community remember?
I inadvertently taught some teenagers the word for “female dog” one day, and it became an immediate hit. I think if I come back in 20 years, I think I´ll still hear guys yelling “Cállate bitch!!”

How frequently did you communicate with family/friends back home:
At first, not often enough. Peace Corps taught me that after college, you actually have to make an effort to stay in touch with people. Go figure.

A time you almost resorted to physical violence:
See dog story.

What are you most proud of?
One of my proudest moments had to be when my brother and I joined a team at the last minute for the inter-district soccer tournament during my town fiesta. In what could have been straight out of a Disney movie, our team of local B-level players, random guys from out of town, and a couple lanky gringos tore through the tournament, beating three teams including the Chalaco selección on our way to hoisting the trophy.

Any disgusting hygiene habits that you wish to share?
The same basin that was used for washing clothes also served as a receptacle for any and all bodily fluids at different, desperate moments. Bleach is a wonderful thing.

What’s your favorite place in all of Peru?
There are a couple little beaches in Piura and Tumbes that have been the sites of some very good times.

Your culinary masterpieces that your community loves:
Pizza, banana bread, and a mountain version of pasta carbonara.

Chapas (nicknames) in site:
Gringo, blanco, alto, colorado, gordo, chato, Agustín/Michael (previous volunteers), Mateo Palomares, and Mateo Pumacahua

What’s the most terrifying creature that you’ve found in your room?
Nothing too crazy, I think I´m just above the altitude line where most of those things like to hang out. But I did spend an absurd amount of time swatting the small flying things that converged on the bare light bulb in my room almost every night.

Favorite feriado in Peru?
Carnavales in Cajamarca is completely ridiculous.

Best chisme you heard from a Peruvian about another Volunteer?
There was a rumor among some of the more remote villages where I worked that I was cooperating with the Vaso de Leche nutrition program in a scheme to fatten up the kids and then steal them to work in my mine (conveniently located somewhere up in the hills, exactly where was never made clear to me). This was about me, but it was so weird that it sounded like they were talking about someone else.

A time when you wished you’d said no, but didn’t:
Agreeing to paint a world map with about five months to go in-site, and already freaking out about building a ton of dry bathrooms in the campo.

Where’s the first place you go in your capital city?
The Panadería “Cotos” right around the corner from the hostel. Other volunteers claim it “makes them sick” and “sells moldy empanadas” and other nonsense, but I´d say at least two thirds of my Piura meals come from there. Love that place.

What scares you the most about returning to the States?
I can´t remember if we shake hands to conclude a conversation or not. And no one else here seems to remember either.

Best read during service:
Lituma en los Andes by Mario Vargas Llosa. A great and frightening tale with some real weird stuff going on, from Sendero Luminoso to Peruvian mountain-myths to traveling gypsy-folk, all set in a lonely Andean mining camp with a very creepy cast of characters.

Most amusing misconception you have heard about the U.S.?
No holidays. And everyone has a car. And these are things I have been told about my country, not asked.

Strategies for keeping warm/cool:
Keeping warm (in Chalaco): Move around a lot, but not so much that you sweat, cause then you just get colder. Or have to shower. Which makes you colder.
Keeping cool (in Piura): Wear board shorts and a basketball jersey at all times.

What do people in your site consider your strangest behavior?
Drinking plain water. People can´t get over that.

First meal you will have when you get back to the States:
Honey-Nut Cheerios with very cold milk. And a Budweiser.

Memorable first-impressions of other Peru 12ers?
I remember when we had been in-country for about a week, and one day all the Bolivia volunteers showed up like refugees in Lima, having just been yanked out of their sites and most of them on their way home. And after talking to them for a while, Mark Gerghaty goes, “I mean, I´m excited about this whole Peace Corps thing…but how nice would it be to be, like, done with it already?”

A time when your patience was put to the test:
May-September, 2010.

Anything you’d like to confess?
I once sort-of broke into a campesino´s house to look for a toilet seat mold that I had left there. I had friends visiting, and they were way up the hill, already mixing the concrete to make the toilet, and this was the only one left in town. After a few minutes of internal debate, I decided to just go for it, and spent about five minutes frantically searching through pretty much everything they owned (which wasn’t a whole lot). In the end, I remained undiscovered, and then actually tracked the guy down via three degrees of cell phone separation, only to be told that, yeah it’s fine if I go in, and that the thing was right in a place I had gone over about four times already. I’m still not sure how I would have explained myself had they come home while I was inside.

What's next?
Heading to a mysterious land called Pisco, where they have sand and ocean and drink a liquor that comes in a sealed bottle with a label and everything.